Dear geeks, nerds, and dweebs,
I hope I’m doing well in your hands, pockets or wherever you keep me. They are calling me their flagship model. Now, I don’t know if I’m really the benchmark they should be going with. I was told that you geeks and nerds love me. They proudly show me off in commercials (with a hot woman, no less) which proclaim: “You can’t keep your hands off me.” Even before I hit the market, I was told in the laboratory that you would adore me more than your spouse. Is that how it really turned out?
I know that I seem intelligent and can do things that my father and grandfathers could not. In fact, initially I felt bad for my ancestors when I learnt that they couldn’t multi-task like me. We’re in a world where people look at phones more times in a day than they look at other people. Heck, I don’t think they even look at themselves as many times in a day.
Mine is a tale of utter confusion and occasional sorrow though. My makers upgraded me with something called the “Android” and are now jumping on their desks like monkeys in a space laboratory. In the beginning, I came wrapped with a gift from Microsoft. I think it was called Microsoft Mobile 6.1 (which all you hard to please people hated, I’m guessing). Then they shifted me to another variant, which was (not surprisingly) called the Microsoft Mobile 6.5. Neither did any wonders for my self-confidence. This made my makers change their minds yet again, and join the bandwagon called “Android” that the whole world (apart from Apple and Microsoft) is also clambering on.
I hope you know who I am, because I don’t anymore. I’m not really sure if I’m fit to play music, or for clicking pictures, or for tweeting, or for catching up with friends on Facebook. A bigger worry is that I think I am, I really may be, too, in all probability considering that this “Android” thing is a standard mobile OS. But it’s just difficult for me to grasp it; now it’s like I have a bad self-image problem which won’t go away. Notice how I never even spoke about the calling or messaging here – in any case, phones are hardly for calling, so how does it matter. GOD, AM I CAPABLE OF ANYTHING, AT ALL? I JUST DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU GUYS WANT FROM ME ANYMORE! I was also told that some of you are naughty, so they included a feature which allows you to pinch me when you are browsing through pictures. I do not approve of this, no Sir!
I’m told I’m smart, sleek and some such, but if you really ask me, I’ve lost the plot.
Image by John Karakatsanis