Seriously now, it’s not rocket science. It really isn’t. Social media isn’t all that hard to master. For that matter, “hard” shouldn’t even be in this paragraph, because it’s anything but hard. It’s basic. So here we are; a list of no-duh no-no’s that you practice that are why you, well, put simply, suck.
1. You’re always on that LMS trip
Never, ever, ever ask someone to Like your status. Just don’t. It looks desperate. It’s like being one of those homeless hippies who carry around those “free hugs” signs because nobody else hugs them, except you’re not homeless but you’re still asking for hugs (or the Internet equivalent of, at least). While we’re on this note, don’t do the “RT if” thing, either. That’s the same thing as LMS, just on Twitter.
Oh, and besides the utterly pathetic light you cast yourself in when you practice these methods, what if nobody Likes your status? What if nobody retweets you? Now you’re a loser and everybody knows it.
2. ALL CAPS ALL THE TIME
Unless you’re on Twitter parodying ghetto city folk, don’t use caps all the time. The purpose of caps is to get people’s attention. When you’re always using caps, however, it becomes commonplace to your audience and, consequentially, they begin to ignore you and your raging caps rages. No, use caps just every now and then. And also; be careful when you’re capitalizing just one word in a tweet or status to emphasize attention on that word. Other readers might find it odd if they don’t agree with your choice of emphasis (example: “why DON’T you eat apples” and “why don’t YOU eat apples” convey two different tones).
3. You think Twitter’s a journal
Yes, Twitter promotes itself as a sort of public journal, but let’s be honest; unless you are an Anderson Cooper or Karl Lagerfeld or Barack Obama or Pants On The Ground man, nobody wants to know your up-to-minute life. For that reason, don’t just type vanilla tweets about what you’re doing unless there’s some kind of connection to pop culture or if it’s of comedic and humorous value. Otherwise, you look boring. Don’t look boring.
4. You hashtag entire sentences
Hashtags are supposed to be used to connect everyone’s tweets of a certain topic into one, easily readable list. Therefore, “#ireallylikemexicanwomen” doesn’t really use the hashtag in a useful way. At all. For that matter, any hashtag that has no other accompanying tweets when clicked is a waste. “#mexicans” or “#women” would be appropriate, cause I guarantee that there are countless other tweets with those hashtags, but not “#ireallylikemexicanwomen.” That’s just dumb.
5. You care too much about what we think
Honestly, homie, it’s just the Internet. If we reject your ideas or condescend you or poke fun at you, don’t be offended. It’s just the Internet. We’re probably not even being serious. Don’t be all apologetic if you offend someone, unless you actually said something with the intent of offending them. And don’t get all sad on us if we mess around with you. Grow a backbone. People respect backbones.
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About Dylan Taylor
He’ll have you know that he has big feet and sexy hair. When not posting pictures of his oversized shoes on Twitter, Dylan is either writing, socializing or sleeping. He lives on the East Coast and loves design, technology and new media. The man has quite the female fan following, maybe even a tad too much if you ask us. On wwwireframe, he covers new media and pop culture.